Fatherhood From Prison

Over 1.7 million children in the United States have an incarcerated parent in prison, according to a study by The Marshall Project. For these children, the absence of a parent can deeply affect their emotional and developmental well-being.

As a father of four, I’ve faced the challenge of remaining present in my children’s lives while being physically separated. Despite these difficulties, I’ve learned that fatherhood isn’t about perfection — it’s about showing up in meaningful ways, even from afar. Fatherhood is a responsibility that demands love, protection, and presence. While incarceration creates unique challenges, it doesn’t have to mean being an absentee father. Like military fathers on deployment, incarcerated fathers can stay connected through visits, phone calls, and letters.

A father’s presence — whether physical or emotional — is vital, especially during a child’s formative years. Fathers provide balance to the family dynamic, teaching boys how to treat others with respect and showing girls how they deserve to be treated. By modeling kindness, affirming their children’s worth, and offering stability, fathers play a crucial role in shaping their children’s lives.

Even when physically distant, fathers can make a profound impact by staying present through meaningful, intentional efforts.

Being available for my children has taught me that fatherhood isn’t about perfection — it’s about being present in the ways that count. Even the small gestures and moments reinforce that my children are my top priority. Staying present, even from afar, has helped my children feel supported, valued, and loved.

As President Barack Obama once said, “Our children don’t need us to be superheroes. They don’t need us to be perfect. They do need us to be present. They need us to show up and give it our best shot, no matter what else is going on in our lives.”

Fatherhood from prison may not look the same as it does outside, but it’s still possible to show up for your children. By leaning on the tools available to you — your phone, your pen, your creativity, and your love — you can remain a powerful presence in their lives. For more practical ideas, refer to the following page.

STRATEGIES FOR STAYING PRESENT

PHONE CALLS

A simple phone call can warm your child’s heart and strengthen the parent-child bond. Aim to call your children at least once a week to let them know they’re on your mind. Use these calls to ask about their day, discuss their school progress, and even help with their homework.

For example, I’ve often helped my kids with math and history assignments over the phone. If I didn’t know the answers, I would take the time to research and find the information to help them. These moments show your children that you’re invested in their success. Before ending the call, always remind them how much you love them. If you’re upset with them, explain why — but never let the call end without expressing your love.

WRITING LETTERS

When phone calls aren’t possible, letters offer another way to connect deeply with your children. Personalize your letters to make them meaningful. Share specific memories, express how much you love them, and let them know you can’t wait to see them.

When my oldest son struggled with my absence, I wrote him a letter encouraging him to stay strong and be good. His reply floored me: “Be good, because good things happen to good people.” This exchange reminded me how much a simple letter can mean.

You can also include drawings, cards, or photos with your letters. My kids love receiving pictures of me, and they treasure the small, thoughtful touches I add. These gestures show them that I’m still thinking of them, even from afar.

FAMILY TIME

For those fortunate enough to have contact or video visits, these moments offer unparalleled opportunities for connection. During visits, make your children feel like they’re the center of your world. Notice small details about their appearance, their mood, or their growth, and show genuine care for their well-being.

When my kids visit, we take the time to study each other, talk, eat, and even play games like spades or Monopoly if they’re available. We also take photos together to capture the memories. These visits remind my children that I’m still a part of their lives, despite the physical distance between us.

SUPPORT & GIFTS

Supporting your children financially, even in small ways, can also make a big impact. I often save money from my prison job or from family contributions to send gifts to my kids. For example, during my daughter’s Bratz doll phase, I saved up to buy her a Bratz-themed piggy bank. She was thrilled, not just because of the gift itself but because it came from me.

If financial contributions aren’t possible, consider crafting items like purses, pillows, or portraits. These handmade gifts carry immense sentimental value and can serve as tangible reminders of your love.