How Do You Heal?
To be honest, I don’t believe that I do heal. I have suffered so much trauma that if I try to heal from one, here comes more. So I suffer from compound trauma.
What I do is cope. Coping, I think, puts me on a pathway to heal when that time presents itself.
Now, what helps me cope is participating in programs and helping others become better versions of themselves.
Who helps me cope: Genuine people who truly have an invested interest in my well-being. They come from all areas of life. It is not many of them, but I recognize the love.
— Cincere Knowledge (Jamal Jones), Cohort 4
The process of healing has to be acknowledged as just that: a process. There are no magic words that can correct or rectify any problems or conditions. We must be willing to undergo the necessary events, and even struggles, that will be the inevitable course that allows us to be centered and balanced.
Overall, we should have a sense of yielding to what allows us to be at a measurable level of peace and serenity.
— Brandon V. Wyatt, Cohort 2
The first thought that comes to my mind is that I don’t heal. I continue to carry certain trauma with me and simply do my best to be aware of it and handle it as best as I can. I’ve attempted to heal through tattoos, drugs, and relationships, but the best path I’ve found is, in general, not to extend my emotional self. It seems the more I put myself out there, the greater the potential is for me to be hurt in the first place. I am aware that this also comes with a price, but to be honest, this is where I’m currently at with my journey.
— Todd Mandoline, Cohort 1
I heal by practicing balance: mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical, through meditation, yoga, and a walk.
— Bonnie Shelesny, Logan
One of the most effective ways to begin healing for me is through self-reflection and positive reinforcement.
It’s OK to stop what you’re doing, be present and/or reflect on our lives and everything that it entails.
I remind myself when it comes to healing from any trauma (or any type of harm), I believe in two powerful absolutes:
Embrace your emotions. I have a right to feel however it is I feel when harmed or offended, but …
Do not react or respond disrespectfully. I also do not have the right to act out, react or offend anyone because of my emotions.
Throughout the years, I’ve learned that only through the lens of empathy can we process and begin to heal in one way or another.
Empathy is like oxygen or energy, for that matter, because it’s so very essential to our way of life. Without empathy, we will eventually silence ourselves and suffocate both individually and as a community.
I encourage us all to grasp the virtue of empathy; doing so will most definitely add years to our lives.
— Taurean Decatur, Cohort 1
I heal by staying positive and keeping my faith strong in Allah.
— Jeffery Campbell, Cohort 2
Using drawing to escape my pain.
— Hugo Ocon, Cohort 3
I have yet to heal due to the environment that continuously reopens my mental/emotional wounds.
— Darion Nance, Cohort 4
Self-reflection.
— Josh Hoeniges, Cohort 4
I heal by forgiving and letting go. I’ve had to realize that the people who hurt me, or wronged me, didn’t know they were going to impact me so deeply. Anger and hatred weighed me down from all my suppressed pain, but once I forgave, I was able to begin my healing journey.
Helping others heal begins with recognizing everybody has a story and not judging them on the pages we happen to stumble upon. Show mercy for people’s shortcomings, understand their past, and be empathetic to their pain. Allow people to know that someone is there who cares to not only help close the scars that life produced but heal them with our love.
— Diandra Samuels , Logan
Praying and talking to others about life.
— Chris Douglas, Cohort 3
After losing my entire family a few years ago, I was lost and confused about life. I hurt inside because losing my mom, who I was so close to, was really hurtful. I just felt lost, my worst fears had now come to life.
However, there is a life after losing your parents. The healing process for me came when I entered the restorative justice team — that is where the healing began. I learned that I had a fear of being alone and of no one being there to help me after my parents were gone. But I found out through restorative justice that I will be all right—I just had to learn how to live for me and not for my mom. Education is what helped me take my mind off the hurt. For me, this whole educational process was a healing process. Thank God for NPEP.
— Flynard Miller, Cohort 2
I heal by letting go of my past, accepting forgiveness from God, and moving forward on a positive path in my future to continue to grow.
Opening up and sharing my story has helped me heal. Being around positive, uplifting, motivating, and encouraging people has helped me heal. Being non-judgmental and giving unconditional love has helped me heal.
I help others by being there for them if they need me: a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, advice if needed, a hug for comfort. I always have a helping hand available if I can help in any way.
— Latosha Howard, Logan
Being in community with others; giving and receiving care. 🙂
— Joy Zhao, NPEP Tutor
Meditation.
— Kevin Scott, Cohort 2
Healing begins with an honest assessment of self and situation. Then we take the productive steps necessary toward becoming whole again, whether that’s taking time to meditate, study, work out, have discussions, or whatever medium we may use.
— Bryan Dean, Cohort 2
The way that I heal from past and present trauma is by taking the time to ponder those traumatic experiences. I ask myself “Why?” and “How?” all the time. Why did this happen? How can things be different? I may not always find the answers but just by engaging in such deep thought, I believe that I become empowered to make better choices and better protect myself from being hurt.
Another way in which I heal is by talking to others about trauma and healing processes. We are all unique but have gone through some of the same experiences. Group conversations can build community and it is that togetherness that has helped me to heal.
— Justin Cavazos, Cohort 1
I have healed by sharing my story. Through my writing, speeches, and presentations, I have been allowed to be seen and heard. Sharing my life with others has allowed them to be more open with me, too. My healing is also based in restorative justice. In helping others, I strongly suggest writing your own clemency, especially if you are a long-termer. It will be your own words; it is where you take accountability for the harm you have caused others.
— Patty Ouska, Logan
My process of healing is asking for forgiveness, forgiving others, and forgiving myself.
— Yaphet Davis, Cohort 4
Slowly, by living on purpose and trying to experience all of life.
— Edmond Duffin, Cohort 2
Healing is a process that works differently for everyone. This process can be harder if you factor in the harm you have caused. When I have to deal with problems, I initially “turtle up.” I go into my shell and think. When I can look at things dispassionately, I talk to some of the brothers in NPEP. Professors and tutors, who can give a sense of a problem that is shared, lessen the burden. Spending time alone helps a lot. I also know that I am not alone or done with my process of healing.
— Robert Cloutier, Cohort 1
I heal by writing about what I’m feeling.
— Miguel Garcia, Cohort 2
I believe the first step to healing is wanting to be healed. We are more effective when we genuinely want change and are not coerced or forced. Second, we must accept the wrong that we’ve done or the wrong that was done unto us. Third, we must forgive. Many times, we’re focused on forgiving others, but we must forgive ourselves. This is a task that I believe has to take one step at a time.
You can’t do this alone. Many seek spirituality to heal, which has been very effective for me. God continues to help me read His word and pray to know that I’m a new creation and no longer my past. Some may try to tell you that your past will always be a part of you, but that’s not true. Many of our behaviors are learned, and you can unlearn the bad behavior by involving yourself with positivity and walking into your newness.
Many seek out mental health treatment, which was a stigma years ago. But now, more are informed and accepting the help they need without feeling weird or worrying about others thinking they’re crazy.
There are many different ways to heal, but it starts with you. Don’t be afraid to seek help and speak to someone. Many times, we already have the answers ourselves, we just need to vent to someone. We end up exposing the problem and the solution. Refuse to allow your past harms to define you; your productive present and future will define you.
— Oliver Crawford, Cohort 4
As a writer, I find cultivating ideas and expressing them very therapeutic; my pain is my muse.
— Antony “Talib” Bell, Cohort 4
I had to relearn to love the person looking back at me in the mirror: flaws, faults, and everything in between. I got back to the roots of my spiritual practice: yoga, meditation, honoring my goddess. I had to start over back at square one with simple things: saying please and thank you to myself and others, practicing the mindfulness of smiling at people, even saving the little lives of bugs 🙂 (I will catch an insect and take it outside!)
Even when I screw up, I remind myself that every day is a new start. And I remind myself and others how small, simple human kindnesses go very far — being the “pebble in the pond,” my energy ripples out and affects others.
— Cindy Shepheard, Logan
For me, healing has occurred in stages and is ongoing. I have a hodgepodge of methods I employ in my healing: music, exercise, meditation, reflection, and interpersonal relationships. Key to my healing process is Islam and prayer. Rituals like salat (prayer), saum (fasting), and dua (supplication) are what anchor me and inform how I deal with the everyday struggles of life and incarceration. I find that a huge part of my healing comes from helping others in their journey toward healing. I listen, I counsel, I hug, and I try to model self-care and healthy ways of coping with trauma. I, too, am a work in progress; so I am constantly learning and expanding my knowledge of what it means to “heal,” as well as what that process looks like.
— William Peeples, Cohort 1
I heal by knowing that there is an opportunity for good and growth in every situation.
— Robert Boyd, Cohort 1
I find ways to forget about the tasks ahead and focus on the present.
— Andrew, NPEP Tutor
According to Webster’s Dictionary, to heal is (1) to make or become healthy, sound or whole, and (2) to restore to health: cure.
How important is healing? How does one heal? How can I help others heal? In order to move past stagnation, healing is vital because it allows one to not be weighed down by past hurt and trauma. Healing for me starts by understanding the causes of the pain I have endured and the pain I have caused others. Healing involves understanding what triggers past trauma and doing all that I can to avoid those scenarios. As a practicing Muslim, I rely heavily on Allah to help me heal from past afflictions. In the Qur’an, Allah reminds mankind that “after hardship comes ease” and that “verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” Whenever afflicted with what I believe is a hardship or trial, I remind myself that it is likely a test and that I must do all that I can to pass the test.
Helping others heal from their pain requires being an attentive listener, and offering suggestions that will help. Oftentimes, we hurt others and not know that we have caused them pain. Helping others heal from the pain I have caused requires being accountable for my words and actions, expressing sincere remorse, and doing all that I can to not cause the pain again.
— Christopher Greathouse, Cohort 4
